Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
