So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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