I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
birth control should be required to get into college
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
