Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
