I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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