I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
