Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
