So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
