Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
