I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
