Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
