Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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