i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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