I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
