How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
