you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
