Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
