yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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