you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
