I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
