Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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