Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
