I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
