he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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