Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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