bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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