dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
