I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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