I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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