i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
