Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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