you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
