This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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