I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I want to have your abortion
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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