Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
