Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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