Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
