I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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