I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
