i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
