Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
