I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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