I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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