i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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