i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
