I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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