I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
