So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
