I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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