the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
